


Finally

by greenteaduck



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:46:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenteaduck/pseuds/greenteaduck
Summary: Dean makes a mistake and is forced to confront his feelings.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 151





	Finally

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you as always to [Sue](https://twitter.com/omfgsue) for editing ❤ And a big thank you to [Katsu](https://twitter.com/kwaidanz) for encouraging me in all my DeanCas endeavors ❤ 
> 
> This fic takes place sometime around season 11-season 12 but there are no actual show spoilers.
> 
> Also the picture is apparently not working on mobile, so you can check it out on DeviantART [here](https://www.deviantart.com/greenteaduck/art/Supernatural-Finally-844945441?ga_submit_new=10%3A1591733950) lol  
> 

Tree branches whipped harshly against Dean’s arms and face as he ran through the darkness of the forest. The growl of hellhounds echoed in his ears as he desperately spun in circles trying to find the source. The trees were too dense to see anything and one of the lenses of his hellhound-seeing glasses had broken and fallen out, leaving his left side vulnerable. His eyes scanned for the foggy forms of the hounds but to no avail.

“Dean!”

The voice cut through the forest and Dean turned towards it. “Cas!” he shouted back as he nearly tripped in his haste.

Dean ran furiously until he came upon a small clearing in the woods where he could hear the sound of fangs snapping just ahead. Cas was standing with his angel blade drawn in front of him, protecting the poor bastard of the week who had decided to make a pact with a demon and now had to pay for it. Turning his head slightly, Dean was able to focus his one good lens on the two hellhounds and lifted his gun to take aim. His heart raced in his chest as it always did when he reached the climax of the hunt.

However it wasn’t all adrenaline that was sending Dean’s blood pounding. He was having difficulty locking onto his targets as they threatened to pounce and snarled at Cas for blocking their prey. It was impossible to ensure that Dean wouldn’t shoot Cas instead of the dogs. Castiel turned his gaze from the hounds to Dean with a look that seemed to say, “What are you waiting for!”

Immediately when Cas took his eyes off them, the hellhounds began to arch their backs in preparation to attack.

Dean gave a loud whistle and shouted, “Hey, you damn mutts!” The hounds’ attention didn’t sway for even a moment and they began to paw at the ground in anticipation. Dean swore under his breath and tried to will himself to pull the trigger.

“Cas!” a frantic but familiar voice came from Dean’s left and he practically sighed in relief. Sam’s large form broke through the trees and he quickly drew his own gun. A shot rang out and one hellhound whined before falling to the floor. The second began to flee back into the woods but Dean squeezed the trigger on his gun and the other hound fell in turn.

In a mess of crackling black smoke, the hounds faded away and Castiel lowered his angel blade, his shoulders sagging as the tension of the moment left his body. Dean dropped his arms to his sides and holstered his gun. There was an overwhelming sense of relief that the moment was over and that he had managed to not hurt Cas in the process.

Dean stepped towards Castiel and threw his arms around him, his hands slapping Castiel’s back with affection. Castiel returned the hug with the hand that wasn’t holding the angel blade, gripping his fist in the fabric of Dean’s jacket. Dean breathed in Castiel’s scent before exhaling and pulled back from the hug.

And gave Castiel a quick kiss on the mouth.

Dean froze and took a full step back. It was just a moment. A press of his lips against Castiel’s dry mouth and the scrape of Castiel’s permanent morning shadow against his cheek. Dean felt a blush creep up the back of his neck as the realization of what he had done fully settled in.

Castiel’s eyes were wide and he opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it again. They both stood completely still just staring, as if willing the other to speak.

The only noise was that of Sam clearing his throat from behind Dean and then stepping around them to the person on the floor. Sam’s reassuring voice drifted through the air but Dean couldn’t look away from Castiel. Why had he done that? Why had it felt like such a natural thing to do at that moment? Dean managed to pull his gaze away and walked around Castiel to help Sam.

Sam lifted the person from the ground, slinging their arm over his shoulder and Dean came to take the other. Sam looked at Dean, who decided to ignore the meaningful glance. Instead he turned his attention to the person who was clinging to the both of them. What was their name again? It was some name from a sitcom... Something like Jerry? Raymond? Frasier? Dean decided not to gamble on addressing them by any name and just asked, “You good?”

“Uh, sure, yeah,” the person said, breathless. “So, it’s all over?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I hope that pair of Spongebob Nikes you traded your soul for was worth it.”

“They were limited edition...,” the person murmured a little defensively.

“Sure,” Dean responded, rolling his eyes.

***

Dean stood leaning against Baby which he had parked earlier on the side of the quiet country road. Just across the street Sam and Castiel spoke together, discussing the details of the case most likely though it was near impossible to hear what they were saying. Dean was barely listening to the conversation anyways and was more focused on keeping his eyes turned downwards, avoiding Castiel

He ran the moment through his mind over and over again. It had barely even been a kiss. Just a peck. It had all happened so fast but Dean was able to drag those seconds into a full movie inside his head. Why had he kissed him? It wasn’t as if Castiel had been in the worst situation of his life or anything. He had seen Castiel beaten, bruised and literally blown up into pieces in front of him. There was no good excuse for what he had done. And, even if it had been a life threatening situation, that wasn’t a reason to kiss him. He wished he had just kissed Castiel’s cheek, his forehead or just his hair. But now the feeling of Castiel’s lips were forever in his memory and Dean felt himself heating up at the thought.

He glanced up to steal a look at Castiel. As usual, Castiel’s eyes looked thoughtful and his brow was creased ever so slightly as he listened to whatever Sam was saying. From what Dean could see, Cas didn’t appear to be especially bothered by what had happened earlier.

Just then, Castiel looked towards Dean.

Dean startled and quickly averted his gaze. It felt as though a jolt of electricity had just shot through him. His heart pounded in his chest and his entire body was tense as he turned away from Castiel to open the front door of the Impala and step inside. Dean slammed the door behind him a little harder than he had meant to as he slumped into the driver’s seat. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and threw his phone onto the dashboard.

The gravel on the road crunched under someone’s shoes and Dean was relieved to see it was just Sam making his way across the street towards Dean.

“Cas says he’ll drive Joey home,” Sam said casually as he slid into his usual spot on the passenger’s side.

For a brief moment Dean wanted to slap the steering wheel. Joey! That was the name! But Dean couldn’t find it in himself to react so enthusiastically and instead just grunted as he put the keys into the ignition.

Sam cautiously eyed Dean. “Well..?” Sam prompted as Dean prepared the car to leave.

Dean remained quiet as he looked over his shoulder to reverse, his brow knit together and his lips pressed tightly shut. He hit the gas and Baby surged forward instead of back. Dean cursed as he realised his mistake and changed the car into reverse.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Do you wanna talk—?”

“Nope,” Dean said, voice venomous with anger and embarrassment. “Sure don’t.”

With that, he turned his music up to a deafening roar to shut Sam up as well as all the thoughts in his head.

***

***

The bunker seemed incredibly small once they returned from the hunt.

It was as if Dean had some sort of tracking device on him because no matter where he tried to escape to, Sam was always there. If Dean was working on the computer, looking through a book or simply making coffee, Sam would be there. The only relief from Sam’s big pleading eyes was when Dean would go to the bathroom or when he finally went to sleep at night.

Days passed on like this. Dean holed himself up in his room for as long as he could for most of the time and Sam would check in on him now and again before being driven off by a seething look.

There were brief moments of reprieve where Dean would find some cases close by to investigate. Close enough that the drive would be no longer than an hour or two; long enough to feel like an escape and short enough that the subject of conversation never had a chance to stray to more personal matters.

On one such occasion, they traveled to a small town where a family was being tormented by an antique umbrella which had been possessed by some sort of Japanese spirit called a tsukumogami. Dean hadn’t been able to hide his laughter when they had described how it had “menacingly” hopped around the kitchen and licked all of their appliances. Sam apologized for his brother’s behaviour and they quickly ended the family’s suffering by catching the umbrella and burning it in a fire.

The next case they investigated appeared to be a poltergeist haunting a young couple in their new home only for it to be a teen phrogging for YouTube views.

(“ _Phrogging_?” Dean had asked.

“Apparently it’s living in someone’s home without them noticing.”

“And I thought monsters were creepy.”)

Things got quiet after that. They looked at headlines online for anything strange but everything appeared to be normal for once. Dean returned to ignoring Sam and it wasn’t until two weeks later that Sam eventually managed to pin down Dean. Rain was beating onto the windows and Dean had secluded himself in the library, leaving himself unintentionally open to Sam’s questioning. He had been reading through the Men of Letters’ archives and hadn’t realised it had become so late, having gotten caught up in his research (and keeping his mind off Cas) that he had completely forgotten about dinner.

That was until Sam stepped into the room holding up a big brown paper bag, grease soaking through to the bottom, in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other. “Dinner?” Sam suggested.

Dean opened his mouth to refuse, knowing that dinner came with a price, but was interrupted by his stomach growling. “Fine,” Dean conceded and began moving his books and papers into a pile. Sam looked as if he was itching to rearrange the papers immediately and Dean was pretty sure Sam had a mini heart attack as Dean dogeared the page he was on. Sam exhaled with frustration but let it go, placing the food on the giant table.

He then disappeared again and Dean had a brief moment of wondering whether he could shovel the dinner into his mouth fast enough that he could finish and leave. However Sam came back just as Dean managed to find the burger that was his amongst the napkins and plastic cutlery.

Sam held a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses. This would normally be the sign of a fun night, perhaps spent watching a movie or just relaxing but Dean knew it was really to loosen him up.

The shot glasses were filled to the brim by Sam as Dean filled his mouth with burger. “Cheers,” Sam said as he clinked his glass against Dean’s and then threw it back. He grimaced at the flavour and drank from his beer to wash away the taste. Dean chuckled and drank his shot in one fluid motion, slamming the glass on the table.

Sam quickly poured another shot for the two of them and they downed those just as fast. Dean could feel his head becoming a little foggier but not nearly foggy enough to loosen his tongue.

The sound of the rain filled up the silence as Dean was mercifully allowed to eat at least half of his burger before Sam interrupted with a cautious, “So...”

Dean threw a glare.

“How have you been?” Sam said, ignoring the look.

“Good,” Dean said with his mouth full. “I’ve been looking through some of the old files.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, Dean.” Sam said.

Dean knew it wasn’t but he hoped Sam might let him bullshit his way out of the conversation. No luck.

“What do you want me to say, Sam?” Dean asked as he wiped his mouth with a napkin, continuing to glare as he drank nearly half his beer in one go.

Sam gave his own hard stare and filled the shot glasses again, daring Dean.

Dean accepted the challenge and drank it down easily. And, yeah, he was starting to feel it now. Not that he would let Sam know.

“I talked to Cas today,” Sam said.

Dean felt his body stiffen at the name and he reached again for his beer, taking a long drink as he finished it off. He crumpled the tinfoil from his burger into a ball and tossed it back in the bag, searching for fries that had fallen out of the box.

“He said it looks like the hellhounds have given up on that case from a couple weeks ago.”

Dean nodded, trying to fill his mouth.

The silence stretched on for a moment as Sam waited for Dean to completely run out of food. Dean tossed the bag aside and licked the extra grease off his fingers, relishing Sam’s disgusted look. However Dean’s smugness quickly faded away as Sam gave up on allowing Dean to talk on his own time.

“So you finally kissed Cas,” Sam said, crossing his arms with a self-satisfied smile on his lips.

Dean wanted to die. He wanted to crawl into the nasty, wet hamburger bag and die. He poured himself another shot but decided to sip at it instead of going at it in one go. “What do you want me to say, Sammy?” he asked and then, in confusion, “What do you mean ‘finally’?”

Sam snorted in amusement. “I mean _finally_.”

Dean took a slow drink from his shot and considered what Sam meant. Yeah, he really liked Cas and cared for him, sure. And when Cas was hurt or lost or sad Dean felt those pains as if they were his own. And since he had given Cas that one kiss he had played it over and over in his mind. Remembering Castiel’s dry, pliant mouth and the feel of his scruff on his lips. And—

“Oh,” Dean said with realization.

Sam looked at Dean kindly and with just a hint of a look that said, ‘I told you so’.

This was all too much to take in and Dean stood up to grab another beer from the nearby mini fridge. He was actually much more tipsy than he had thought he was. Drinking that much whiskey in quick succession had caught up to him and his metabolism wasn’t what it used to be. He sprawled in the wooden chair and exhaled loudly through his nose, lifting his hands to his face to press his palms against his temples.

“Did you not know?” Sam asked.

Dean hated the pitying look Sam was giving. “I guess I did,” Dean said, finishing the shot of whiskey and pouring another because he loved making decisions he would regret. “And, what, does everyone know?” He asked, gesturing with the bottle in one hand and spilling a little on the floor.

“Yeah, Dean,” Sam replied and reached over to rescue the bottle from Dean’s grasp. “I’m pretty sure everyone who has met you guys knows.”

“Yeah right,” Dean said, disbelieving. “Not everyone. There’s no way Bobby knew.”

Sam remained quiet and that was all Dean needed as an answer. Of course, Bobby knew.

They both continued to sit quietly as Dean processed all of this new knowledge and Sam reached over and began to sort the papers Dean had unceremoniously swept aside. The thought of everyone knowing and maybe even talking about Dean and Cas for years, according to Sam, was maybe the most embarrassing thing to come out of this whole mess. And that’s when another thought occurred to Dean.

“Do you think Cas knows?” Dean asked, almost to himself.

Sam stopped shuffling the papers and shrugged at Dean. “He’s a little hard to read.”

Dean cracked open the beer he had gotten and drank slowly from it. If Cas knew then why hadn’t he said anything? Unless he wasn’t feeling the same way and was choosing to ignore it. Maybe he was trying to save Dean from embarrassment by never addressing it. Dean played with the bottlecap from his beer before throwing it onto the table.

“Maybe you should talk to Cas and ask him,” Sam suggested.

Dean scoffed and laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, right.”

Sam frowned at Dean. “I’m serious.”

“Yeah, me too,” Dean said flatly and with finality.

They both stared each other down as they continued drinking, finishing the bottle of whiskey and the beers they had started. Sam was clearly not used to drinking so much and Dean felt like he had won some sort of battle as Sam excused himself to the bathroom, most likely to throw up. The bunker fell quiet again and Dean felt the weight of the evening settle onto his shoulders. If Cas hadn’t known Dean’s feelings before Dean had made a move (however unintentional it may have been), then he definitely did now.

With a groan, Dean stood up and staggered towards his bedroom with a groan.

_Fuck._

***

Dean woke up the next morning with a cloudy head and a horrible feeling he might barf at any moment. The older he got, the less his body could spring back from a night of excessive drinking and his head swam simply from standing up. Memories of last night slowly came to mind and Dean groaned at each and every one of them.

There was no way Sam was gonna let Dean forget what he’d said.

The journey to the kitchen felt longer than usual but Dean eventually managed to find his way there. The sound of one of Sam’s podcasts drifted through the kitchen (What was this one called? Stuff You Should Know? Stuff They Don’t Want You To Know? He could never remember) and the more enticing scent of coffee. Dean waved a hand in greeting to Sam as he poured himself a cup and brought it to his lips. It was far too hot and burned his tongue but it was a welcomed feeling.

Sam paused his podcast which would normally have been totally fine but Dean dreaded that Sam would most likely want him to talk.

Sam opened his mouth to do just that but Dean shot him a withering look. “Not now, Sam,” Dean growled. Once more Sam tried to speak but Dean shushed him childishly. With that Sam put his hands up in surrender and sat down at the kitchen table.

“Good morning.”

And Dean nearly choked on his coffee.

As silently as ever, Cas had entered the bunker and now stood in the doorway of the kitchen. Dean wished he wasn’t wearing his boxer shorts and white t-shirt, feeling exposed in so many ways. Dean threw Sam a look and Sam mouthed, “I was trying to tell you.”

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said as casually as he could. Their eyes met and Dean felt a blush run across his cheeks and he turned his gaze back to his cup of coffee. “What’s up?”

“Sam said you needed a drive to the grocery store,” Cas responded with just a hint of a question mark at the end.

Dean cast a cold look at Sam. Sam was acting as if his phone was the most interesting thing in the world, completely ignoring Dean’s harassment. That was okay because Sam would be receiving an earful later about this stupid _Parent Trap_ scenario.

“Sure, right,” Dean said, draining his mug and placing it a little roughly back on the counter. “Give me a minute to get changed.”

Castiel nodded and took in Dean’s choice of pyjamas. His blue eyes lingered on Dean’s chest and arms for just a moment and Dean paused. Had he imagined that?

He pushed the thought away though and went back to his room to grab his clothes. He came back shortly wearing his usual (dark jeans, black t-shirt and flannel shirt thrown over top). “Alright,” he said “Lemme just pull Baby up front.”

Castiel tilted his head and Dean hated how the familiar gesture warmed him. “I thought your car was in the shop. That’s why Sam said I had to drive you.”

Dean looked past Cas at Sam who gave a comically big shrug. What a bad excuse. There was no way Dean would ever let someone else under the hood of his car.

“Right, forgot,” Dean said and threw a carefree smile.

Castiel’s brows furrowed for a moment but seemed to accept the lie as he led them towards the front entrance.

Dean tried to calm his mind as he watched Castiel’s back. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to confess like he was in high school with a crush? Normally Dean would rather express how he felt through actions but he guessed he’d already done that in a way. And Cas hadn’t said anything about it.

Dean spiralled through his thoughts.

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice broke through and Dean realized he was just standing dumbly in front of the car door. Dean shook his head as if trying to physically clear his mind and ducked into the car.

“Are you okay?” Castiel asked and Dean looked over at him. They were sitting so close together like they had numerous times before that and yet the proximity was too much for Dean to bear this time.

He leaned his elbow out the window and cleared his throat. “It’s all good, Cas,” he said.

Castiel continued to look confused but didn’t press the issue and instead started the car and pulled out onto the road.

The rain from the night before left the air feeling thick with humidity and Dean could feel himself starting to sweat from either the temperature or his current predicament. In the background, the radio was playing an old song by The Killers that Dean would begrudgingly admit he kind of liked. Castiel drove with one hand on the steering wheel and the other loosely tapping to the rhythm of the music on his thigh. Dean couldn’t help but think it was kind of cute how badly Cas was at keeping the beat.

Any other day this drive through the country would have been a little slice of bliss for Dean. However Dean was too busy analyzing Castiel’s movements and sorting out his own thoughts. He couldn’t stop glancing over at the driver’s side and taking in Castiel’s expression. Cas was focused on the road but his eyes would drift to take in the sights every now and again. He looked over at a herd of dairy cows grazing lazily, a billboard for fireworks and a small jack russell terrier puppy that was being walked along the sidewalk in town. Dean noticed Castiel never looked at Dean, not even through the rearview mirror. By the time they arrived at the grocery store, Dean was glad to have a distraction from his own mind and left the car quietly.

A blast of cool air was released on Dean’s heated skin as the automatic doors opened into the store. Castiel was just behind him, holding a number of reusable bags. It was a weekday and therefore the only people currently in the store were young parents of children who were now at school and elderly people. So Dean and Castiel stuck out even more than two 6 foot tall (almost) middle-aged men normally would.

Dean grabbed a cart and then stalled. What was he supposed to be buying exactly? Sam always did the grocery shopping when they needed it. Although he always came home with some sort of weird new super food like quinoa or kale. Dean scanned the aisles and then gave an almost evil smile as he headed towards the junk food.

The aisle was colourful and called to Dean like a siren song. The Gas n’ Sips that Dean normally stopped at didn’t have anything close to this variety and Dean felt a little overwhelmed by all the options. He didn’t even know that there were at least six new flavours of Doritos. Gleefully, Dean began piling bags of chips, bars of chocolate and other teeth rotting goodness into the cart. “Do you want anything?” Dean asked Castiel excitedly.

Castiel’s eyes roamed over the assortment of candy and then picked up a bag of Tropical Skittles.

Dean nodded appreciatively, “Nice choice.”

They continued down the aisles picking up whatever they wanted and threw it in the cart until they were loaded down with pasta, sugary cereal, a variety of hot sauces and salsas, and whatever booze they could get their paws on. Dean picked up a small container of organic raspberries, thinking of Sam, then saw the price and promptly put it back down.

When the pile in the cart threatened to topple over with every turn they took, Dean decided they finally had enough stuff and led them towards the exit. They made their way to the check out area and the woman at the till raised an eyebrow as they each put more and more junk onto the conveyor belt. “Having a party, are we?” she asked with a laugh.

Dean and Castiel glanced at each other. “I don’t think so?” Castiel replied.

“Just for us,” Dean smiled at the woman and clapped a hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

“Okay then,” the woman said as she scanned the items through. And then, with a wink, said, “Enjoy, you two.”

Dean froze and Sam’s words floated through his head from the night before. Everyone knows. There was no way this total stranger knew, of course. The wink had just been a friendly gesture obviously. But Dean couldn’t help but get stuck up on it.

“Thank you,” Castiel said as he loaded the food into the reusable bags and then into the cart. Dean nodded at the woman and walked stiffly behind Cas towards the car. He had been having such a good time with Cas that all of his worries had escaped his mind momentarily. But now they were all coming back to slap him in the face.

They loaded the bags into the trunk and Castiel stepped into the driver's seat to start the car as Dean returned the cart to the store. Dean’s mouth was dry and his hands were clammy as he opened the passenger’s side door.

Castiel opened the bag of Tropical Skittles and offered them to Dean. Dean shook his head and leaned away, his whole upper body almost out the window.

There was a moment of hesitation before Cas took a handful of Skittles for himself and pulled out of the parking space.

The sky had clouded over while they had been in the store and the first drops of rain were just beginning to fall. Dean pulled himself in through the window and hit the button on the door to shut it before the rain could truly start. The drive was just as it had been before on their way into town but the feeling that came with it was cold and depressing this time. The jack russell terrier from earlier was no longer outside, the grazing cows were taking shelter in their barn and the billboard for fireworks was covered by trees from this side of the road. Dean sighed and stared at his hands in his lap.

Drops of rain were falling so heavily now that it was hard to make out the song on the radio and Dean considered reaching over to turn the volume up before deciding otherwise. They were probably another ten minutes from the bunker when the car began to slow and Dean could make out the sound of tires on wet gravel as the car veered to the side of the road.

“Why are we stopping?” Dean asked as he took in the empty pavement in front of the car and the forest surrounding them. Castiel put the gear stick in park, turning the keys to shut off the engine. The soft music from the radio and the hum of the engine disappeared, leaving them with only the sound of the rain and their breathing. It felt strangely overwhelming and Dean had to take a deep breath to steady himself before looking over at Castiel.

Castiel’s eyebrows were furrowed as they almost always were but there was another emotion in there as well that Dean couldn’t quite place. He couldn’t keep eye contact long though and instead looked out the front window.

“Dean?” Castiel’s voice cut through and Dean wished it didn’t fill him with warmth. “Is something wrong?”

Dean looked back over at Cas and he was finally able to place the emotion on Castiel’s face; it was hurt.

The realization that he was causing Cas to feel any sort of pain made Dean feel almost sick with guilt for what he had done weeks ago. He swallowed and simultaneously wished he could jump out of the car and walk home while another part of him wished he could close the distance between them. He wanted to kiss Castiel’s troubles away or at least be able to say something. Anything. What could he say though?

“Nothing’s wrong,” Dean said a little harsher than he had meant to.

Castiel huffed in annoyance at Dean’s answer. “Is this about the other night?” Castiel asked. “When you kissed me?”

Dean blushed furiously and cleared his throat. Hearing Cas say it out loud and acknowledging what had happened felt like some weird dream. There was no way this could actually be happening but there they were. The humid air felt suffocating and he squirmed a little in his seat. Castiel continued to watch him until Dean eventually sighed. “Cas...” he closed his eyes and then looked back at him. “That was... I didn’t mean to do that.”

Castiel’s whole body tensed and he seemed to be calculating Dean’s words. “Then why did you do it?” he asked.

Dean couldn’t think of an answer for that one. It wasn’t as if he could outright say, “Because I’ve loved you for years and I’m just coming to terms with it myself.” So he instead ran a hand over his face and said, “It just happened.”

They were both growing frustrated with each other. Dean was tired of being cornered first by Sam and now by Cas. He was scared that if he did express his actual feelings that Cas would get angry or pity Dean. Both options were unacceptable so the only thing to do was to bottle it all up and drink it away over time. Whether Castiel was frustrated because of Dean deflecting or over the actual kiss itself, Dean couldn’t be sure.

In a flash of movement, Castiel took off his seatbelt so that he could turn his body to look directly at Dean. Their noses were almost touching and Dean felt Castiel’s heated breath on his upper lip. “You have to talk, Dean,” Castiel spoke with a hard edge to his voice.

“What do you want me to say, Cas?” Dean bit back, embarrassment turning back to defensiveness.

“Anything!”

Dean curled his lip and grounded out, “Take me to the bunker.”

Cas didn’t move. He clenched his jaw so tight that Dean could see the tension in his cheeks.

“C‘mon, Cas!” Dean shouted. Castiel looked as if he was going to scream right back at him but instead clenched his fists before sitting back in his seat and turning the car back on.

Dean breathed heavily as if he had just been in a fist fight. His whole body was strung out and sweaty. It didn’t feel as if either of them had actually won the argument but more like they were both preparing for the next round of fighting.

Cas pulled back onto the road, clicking his seatbelt back on.

The car was crackling with animosity on the short drive. Neither of them even tried to look at each other, let alone say anything. The windshield wipers were moving frantically to keep up with the now torrential downpour and it was a welcome distraction. Cas was focused on driving and Dean was busy looking out the window.

The tires sank into the mud as they arrived at the bunker and Dean escaped from the car quickly, slamming the door behind him. The rain pounded onto his head and shoulders, soaking right through his clothing. Cas followed behind closely and popped the trunk revealing their spoils from earlier. Dean grabbed as many bags as he could and ran through the rain to the bunker.

He stomped his way down the iron stairs towards the kitchen where he dumped the junk food onto the counter. He could hear Castiel following behind and stomping down the stairs equally as hard. It was at that moment that Sam decided to pop his head around the door of the kitchen. He had clearly been expecting Dean and Cas to be all playful and loving after confessing their feelings in the produce section or something. Sam definitely wasn’t expecting the whirlwind of anger and sugary snacks that he had walked into.

“What happened?” Sam whispered to Dean.

Dean just walked right by, ignoring him, and went to grab the rest of the groceries. The rain was falling almost violently now as Dean piled all of the cases of beer to carry inside, his arms straining with the effort. He slammed the trunk down with his elbow and passed by Castiel on his way back inside. “I got it,” Dean said as Castiel reached out to take a case.

Dean went down the stairs again and his shoes were soggy, slapping each step with a wet sound. He dropped the bottles and cans onto the counter with a thud and began putting them away as Sam came over to help. Avoiding Sam’s questioning look, Dean finished unloading and threw the receipt on the counter.

Quietly, Castiel walked into the doorway of the kitchen looking like an angry, wet cat. Water slid off his trenchcoat onto the tiled floor of the kitchen and his hair was matted against his forehead. Sam took in Castiel’s sorry state and said, “Thanks for helping, Cas.”

Cas nodded in acknowledgment of what Sam had said but his eyes were trained on Dean.

Crossing his arms across his chest, Dean returned the look with his own hateful one. Sam glanced between the two of them and then said to Castiel, “Dean will grab you a towel and a change of clothes.”

“Oh will I?” Dean said indignantly.

“Yes, you will,” Sam responded, beginning to succumb to the tension and anger around him.

After a moment of hesitation, Dean grumbled and then passed Sam and Castiel, heading towards the laundry room. He could hear Cas following behind at a safe distance as they walked through the maze of hallways. Dean entered the laundry room and grabbed a towel, handing it to Cas. There was a murmur from Cas, maybe a thank you but Dean couldn’t be sure. Dean took a towel for himself and rubbed it against his hair. He bent down to reach into the dryer and found one of his black shirts which he tossed in Cas’s direction.

Dean stood up and began to towel his arms, glancing over as Castiel took off his trench coat and dropped it in a damp pile on the washing machine. Standing in his white button down, which was damp and clinging to his body, Castiel looked vulnerable and Dean felt his fury begin to ebb away. Castiel untucked the shirt from his pants and Dean was treated to a flash of hip bone.

The hate was fading slowly as Dean looked away to give Cas privacy as he took his tie off and began to unbutton his shirt. Dean turned his attention to trying to find some pants for both of them but there didn’t appear to be any that had been washed recently. It was clear he would have to go to his room to see if there was any there. He looked towards Castiel to say his plan of action but happened to look over just as he was putting Dean’s shirt on.

Dean was able to catch just a glimpse of Castiel’s chest, his dark nipples surrounded by a dusting of chest hair. His eyes began the trek downward to Castiel’s tummy, enjoying the sight of belly flab that had accumulated over time and the coarse hair that trailed down from his navel, disappearing into the waistband of his pants. He realised he was still staring as Castiel pulled his shirt down to cover himself.

Castiel had clearly noticed Dean had been eyeing him though and his angry expression hesitated for a moment. Dean’s black shirt hung loosely on Castiel’s smaller frame and Dean felt a lustful hunger take over him.

“Everything okay?” Castiel asked, his voice rough.

Dean wanted so badly to answer with teeth and tongue instead of actual words. “Yeah, Cas.” he grumbled. He took off his own wet shirt and ran the towel over his chest.

Unable to hide his curiosity, Dean looked over at Castiel. Castiel’s eyes were dark and focused, clearly tracing the lines of Dean’s body. Castiel looked away quickly once he locked eyes with Dean and Dean smirked. He enjoyed watching Cas squirm for a change.

“Come on,” Dean said as he put on the new clean shirt and began to lead them to his room.

The bedroom was exactly as he had left it this morning. The bed was unmade and his clothing from the night before was laying on the floor. It wasn’t out of character for Dean to have a messy room but he did wish that he had at least put his underwear away. Dean opened one of the drawers of his dresser and began searching for an acceptable pair of pants for the angel. Castiel stood in the doorway, looking uncomfortable. Which was ridiculous because Cas had been in Dean’s room numerous times before.

Eventually Dean stumbled on a pair of sweatpants that would probably fit Castiel. He held them out to Cas who took them and then held them in front of himself, most likely waiting for Dean to give him some privacy. Dean made no move to look away though and they both stood staring at each other. The earlier fury had faded to a different sort of heat completely. Or it had for Dean at least.

He couldn’t tell if Castiel was feeling the same way. He must be though. Castiel was practically human now and he had human feelings and needs. And human urges. Whether Castiel had the same emotions as Dean about the whole situation though, he couldn’t be sure. Dean doubted he would be able to handle touching Cas again, let alone kiss him, if he wasn’t one hundred percent certain Castiel felt the same way. But the thought of risking their current friendship because Dean wanted to be closer was terrifying.

“Listen, Cas,” Dean said cautiously. “About the other night.”

Castiel looked surprised that Dean was bringing it up on his own and stood incredibly still as if any movement might spook him into silence.

“I.. didn’t mean to do that. Honestly.” Dean ran a hand over his mouth. “So I am sorry. But...” And he paused, thinking it over. Anything he said after this moment had the power to change his relationship with Castiel for the rest of their lives. But he knew he had to say something. So, after taking a breath, Dean exhaled and admitted, “I don’t regret it.”

Castiel looked confused and asked, “So you wanted to kiss me?”

Dean was ready to get defensive and nodded.

“And you still do?”

Dean was caught off guard. He took in Castiel’s eyes, dark and questioning, and his mouth, parted slightly. The memory of how Castiel had felt and tasted from before, though fleeting, came to Dean’s mind and he wanted so desperately to experience all of it again. More of it. He wanted to run his hands through Castiel’s hair which was still wet but starting to fluff and curl as it dried. The shirt Dean had given Castiel hung loose on the angel’s body and Dean could clearly see the line of Castiel’s collarbone and Dean wanted to see more.

Dean’s voice was rough as he breathed out, “Yeah.”

And everything moved incredibly fast after that moment.

Castiel surged forward and smashed his lips against Dean’s in a bruising kiss. Their teeth knocked together and Castiel fisted one hand in Dean’s hair and another in his shirt. Dean was momentarily shocked as he had never even imagined Castiel initiating a kiss as an outcome to their shitty afternoon. However he quickly recovered from the surprise, pushing Cas back just enough that he could reach behind and shut the door to his bedroom. The sound of their breathing becoming more and more laboured was amplified in the tiny room and Dean wanted to hear all of it.

He tugged at the belt loops of Castiel’s pants, which were still wet, and pulled him flush against his own, still soaked, pants. Castiel groaned at the contact, momentarily moving away from Dean’s mouth and dragging Dean closer until he was pressed between the door and Dean’s body. The warmth of Castiel’s skin could be felt through his shirt and it made Dean almost dizzy with desire. Since his mouth was currently unoccupied, Dean took the momentary break to try and speak. Not before laying a single kiss to the corner of Cas’s mouth though which Cas tried to chase with his tongue.

“So this is okay?” Dean asked because he needed to be sure.

Castiel nodded and said, in a voice like it was clearly obvious, “Yes, Dean.”

“Well, why the hell didn’t you say anything before this, Cas?”

Castiel gave Dean a look. “Really?”

Dean rolled his eyes in response. “Yeah, really.”

Castiel pursed his lips together and then nipped at Dean’s jaw, some of the frustration from earlier returning. He brought a hand to the back of Dean’s hair and gave an aggressive tug that made Dean gasp. The contrast of the burn of Castiel’s stubble and the softness of Castiel’s lips and tongue was so addicting. They could discuss more later. Dean was tired of talking anyways.

He pressed his palms against Castiel’s chest, feeling Castiel’s nipples through the fabric of the T-shirt. Castiel’s biting got sloppier and his breath was hot and wet on Dean’s jawline as Dean began to squeeze at his tits roughly. He easily moved his hands under Castiel’s shirt, sliding over the soft skin to better attack. He twisted and played until the buds were red and swollen. They would be tender for a while and Dean looked forward to soothing them with his tongue later.

Castiel pulled his shirt up and over his head before pulling at Dean’s shirt in turn. Dean took it off quickly and pushed against Castiel’s shoulders until he slammed the angel into the door behind him. He bit along the side of Castiel’s neck, enjoying how Castiel moaned at every scratch of teeth, before sucking at his clavicle. He did this until the wound bloomed red and Dean knew it would leave a mark. Castiel’s breathing was harsh and he groaned, “Dean...”

The rawness of Castiel’s voice sent a shiver down Dean’s spine. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, Cas,” Dean admitted to Castiel and also to himself. Castiel was standing there, bare chested, resting his weight against the bedroom door. A hickey was forming on his collarbone and his neck was red from Dean’s teeth. It was downright pornographic and Dean wanted to commit every detail to memory.

He drank in the image, staring unabashedly. Almost every day, year after year, Castiel had always been there and yet it felt like the first time Dean was truly seeing him. He could now recognize the tenderness in Castiel’s eyes as love for Dean and it left him breathless. He reached out and ran his fingers along Castiel’s jaw, tongue following close behind. Castiel exhaled as if he had been holding his breath.

The insistent push of Dean’s hard dick against the front of his pants had become impossible to ignore and it felt incredibly uncomfortable trapped in the wet fabric. He undid the button on his fly easily enough but had to pull away to actually pull his pants down around his ankles. Castiel followed suit and took off his own pants. They each stood in their underwear and Dean could see that Castiel was just as hard in his boxers, his dick tenting the fabric.

Dean pulled Cas close to him until their hips bumped against the others. Now he could feel how hard Cas was and it felt incredible against his own clothed erection. He moved his own hips like a teenager craving any sort of friction. It was impatient and primal as Dean felt heat start to travel from his groin to the rest of his body. Cas moved his own hips in time and placed his hands on Dean’s waist to get him closer. They rutted against one another until they were both left panting and wanting more.

Pulling away from the warmth of Castiel’s body, Dean took a step back to take off his underwear, his dick jumping free from the waistband. The cool air hit his damp cock and Dean hissed through his teeth at the feeling. However his attention was quickly focused elsewhere as Castiel took off his own underwear. Dark hair surrounded Castiel’s cock and Dean’s eyes were drawn in.

“C’mere,” Dean said as he sat on the bed, leading Castiel by the hand to sit on his lap. Castiel placed a knee on either side of Dean’s thighs and Dean could feel Castiel’s dick bump against his stomach. With calloused hands, Dean took hold of Castiel’s erection and gave a solid pump. Castiel made a strangled noise and dropped his forehead onto Dean’s shoulder.

After a few more strokes, Castiel lifted his ass off Dean’s lap and his body twisted a little. Castiel’s hand snaked behind his own back and that’s when Dean realised Cas was trying to work himself open. “Jesus, Cas.”

Castiel gave a breathy chuckle at the word choice.

“Do you have any...?” Castiel just barely managed to say.

Dean understood what Castiel meant though and managed to maneuver himself to the nightstand where he pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom.

Castiel held out an open palm and Dean squirted some of the liquid onto Castiel’s fingers and some on his own as well. This was clearly not the first time Cas had fingered himself and Dean wondered how many times he had done this before. When was the first time he had done it? He imagined Castiel in an empty motel room testing the pleasures of his human body. The obscene sounds of slick fingers sliding in and out of Castiel’s asshole were paired with soft puffs of breath that Castiel released onto Dean’s shoulder. Soon Cas found an angle he enjoyed as he canted his hips, keeping a hand on Dean to steady himself. Dean prepared himself by unwrapping the condom and rolling it onto his cock, spreading some of the lube onto himself.

“Can I?” Castiel asked, removing his fingers from himself and looking almost as if he was starving at Dean’s erection.

Dean nodded, unable to answer with actual words. Castiel carefully lowered himself onto Dean’s dick, his thighs shaking from holding himself up. Once he settled, taking all of Dean inside himself, he placed his face in the crook of Dean’s neck, breathing him in. They stayed like that as each got used to the sensation of being filled and filling the other. Cas was hot around Dean’s dick and it took everything in himself to not move his hips. Castiel took a breath and took his face from Dean’s neck to look him in the eye. He kissed Dean’s lips sweetly and Dean released a needy whine as he kissed Castiel back.

They began to move together. Dean placed his lips around one of Castiel’s nipples and Castiel moaned, still sensitive from earlier. He writhed on Dean’s lap, trying to find the perfect angle that he had achieved earlier with his fingers. He looked so incredibly obscene and Dean tried to be patient for Cas to find the spot but couldn’t resist moving his hips up a couple of times. Castiel’s whole body shook and the sound that he made was like nothing Dean had ever heard him make before. It was a rough sound that came deep within Cas but it sounded so vulnerable and soft. Dean felt privileged to be able to hear it. He also selfishly wanted to hear more of it.

He held Cas in position and moved his hips, rubbing his dick against the spot. Castiel whimpered, over stimulated. Dean moved slower, trying to look Castiel in the eye. He bumped Castiel’s nose with his own and Castiel opened his eyes. They were dark and a little watery and Dean was so enthralled seeing Castiel this way.

“Dean, I...” and Dean knew Castiel was technically issuing a warning but Dean took it as a sign to continue what he was doing. He jerked his hips in rhythm with Castiel and moved his hand over Castiel’s cock. It didn’t take long until Castiel began to lose his pace, hips moving wildly, his only goal to reach his climax. With a strangled breath, his whole body stilled as he came, cum shooting onto Dean’s chest.

Dean paused his movement, allowing Cas to breathe through his orgasm. He kissed his hairline and rubbed his back as Castiel swayed. Cas shook his head as if to clear it and then began to move again. Dean quickly said, “Cas, you don’t have to.”

But Castiel continued to move and Dean’s protests fell dead on his tongue. He placed a hand on Castiel’s hip to help guide his movement, his fingers digging into Castiel’s side. It wasn’t long before Dean’s body was chasing his orgasm aggressively, bouncing Castiel on his cock and biting down on Castiel’s tit. Castiel was loose around him now and Dean felt incredibly proud that he had done that to him. That he had been the one to drive Castiel to climax. Castiel did his best to move along with Dean but his limbs were heavy and Dean was moving too fast to keep up. Dean felt the familiar warmth begin to build in his groin and then spread throughout his body. He came with a low moan and clutched Castiel tightly against him.

They stayed connected together for just a moment after that. Dean didn’t want to let go but eventually managed to unwrap his arms from around Castiel. Castiel lifted himself off Dean's lap and Dean slid out of him, taking the condom off, tying it and tossing it in the general direction of the trash can.

He flopped down onto his back and Castiel laid almost on top of him, his arm across Dean’s chest. Exhaustion seeped into his body, bleeding away the electricity of sex. Dean looked over at Castiel whose eyes were partially closed. Dean reached a hand out and cupped Castiel’s cheek. Castiel practically purred and Dean could feel his heart beating against his chest as he pulled him close, ignoring how sweaty they both were and Castiel’s cum that was still on both of them.

The tug of sleep was demanding and Dean closed his eyes in surrender. It felt almost dreamlike as Dean admitted. “I’ve loved you for a long time, Cas.”

Castiel nuzzled against Dean’s chest and said, “I fell from Heaven for you, Dean.”

And that was all that was needed to be said.

***

  
Dean woke up a couple of hours later, his stomach practically clawing at itself in hunger. The usual post nap thoughts paraded through his sleep-addled mind. Where am I? What time is it? Did I actually sleep with my best friend? It all came flooding back to him though as he took in Castiel splayed out beside him, butt clearly on display. Dean took in the image fondly and debated whether to wake Castiel up by either kissing his ear or smacking his ass. Castiel stirred beside him though and Dean tried to pretend he hadn’t just been staring at his nude body.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean greeted quietly. Castiel opened his eyes and yawned before burying his face back into the pillow. “I’m just gonna see what we’re doing for dinner, okay?”

Castiel murmured something that sounded like, “Meet you there.”

Dean lightly slapped Castiel’s sensitive ass and then threw on the shirt he had stripped off earlier and some flannel pyjama pants. The bunker was quiet as he stepped into the hallway. The sounds of rain had faded away and the stormy sky had turned into a beautiful evening. Dean found Sam sitting in the library, air pods in his ears. Dean felt a little smug that he and Cas’s earlier antics had probably been the reason Sam had to put headphones in.

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said with a self-satisfied grin. He took a seat in one of the wooden chairs and put his feet up on the table. Sam frowned at Dean’s muddy shoes but just sighed, taking his air pods out.

“Glad you guys finally ‘talked’,” Sam congratulated.

Dean’s grin only grew wider. “Oh, so you heard?”

“Hard not to.”

Dean’s smile was practically hurting his face now. “What are we having for dinner?”

“Apparently Sour Gummy Worms and beer, since that’s all the food we have.”

“Sounds good,” Dean said as he clapped his hands together.

Cas walked into the room at that moment, looking like a poster boy for a Walk of Shame. His hair was messy from falling asleep on it after it had only half dried and he wore the black shirt he had gotten earlier along with the sweatpants Dean had given him. The shirt collar hung low enough to reveal the red marks all along his neck.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean greeted smugly.

Cas smiled sweetly at Dean and his expression immediately turned to embarrassment as he caught Sam’s knowing expression.

“I’ll go see if I can find something actually edible for us to eat,” Sam said as he stood up, clearly needing an excuse to leave. He grabbed his phone on the way out along with his earbuds (just in case).

Cas took a seat beside Dean. “I think Sam is mad.”

“He’s fine,” Dean said, scooting his chair closer to Castiel’s. “How do you feel about Milk Duds for dinner?”

Castiel grimaced but his eyes were soft as he looked at Dean. “Sounds like our only option.”

Dean hummed in agreement and they both stood up to help (or bother) Sam in the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> All my phrogging knowledge comes from the movie "I See You" starring Helen Hunt. (That's a bit of a spoiler for the movie though.....) 
> 
> Also the tsukumogami I mentioned is supposed to be a karakasa-obake. My image of it is the one from [Yokai Watch](https://youkai.gamepedia.jp/yw2/monsters/174) .
> 
> Here are the [Spongebob Nikes](https://www.nike.com/launch/t/kyrie-5-spongebob-squarepants). They actually are sold out! But I think you can get them on eBay for $300~400? So no need to really trade your soul for them.
> 
> Both [Stuff You Should Know](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/105-stuff-you-should-know-26940277/) and [Stuff They Don't Want You To Know](https://www.iheart.com/podcast/182-stuff-they-dont-want-you-t-26941221/) are real podcasts!
> 
> My Twitter is [here](https://twitter.com/greenteaduck). I mostly retweet and sometimes post my own art. Please feel free to follow or chat! I always need fandom friends ❤


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